Lines from Resumes

"Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days."

"Experience: Provided correct answers to customers' questions."

"I can drive heavy duty equipment and trucks up to 25 feet without getting lost."

"Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors."

"Special skills: Highly proficient at vacuuming, dusting and moping."

"Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now."

"Work best with kids five and under."

"I have happily been a 'kept man' for the past 10 years."

"Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation."

"I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences...I make points as well as I can."

"Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky."

"I'm inquiring as to weather or not you have any jobs open."

"Experience: Completed semester project with a classmate of mind."

"While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system."

"My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule."

"Hire me and you won't regret it--I am funny, cute, smart and creative... really."

"Referees available upon request."

"Pursing a position requiring strong communication skills."

"Work history: Bakery--proactively provided the products with the appropriate fillings, jellies and custards."

"Previous experience: Administrative Assitant. Required high detail orentation and acuracy."

"Previous rank: Senior instigator."

"Looking for an employer that believes in prompting from within."

"...I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly."

"Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me."

"Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days."

"Interests: Music, dancing computers."

"Personal achievements: Successfully played 'Chop Sticks' on a toy piano with my big toes."

"Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication."

"Strengths: Impersonal skills."

"Experience: Cocktail sever."

"Honors: Have been named most reliable, most popular and best actor in school."

"Special interests: I like any projects that are fun."

Please explain any breaks in your employment career: "15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store."

"Duties: Constant oversight of kennel operations."

"Other: Joined the Air Force in 1776."

"Vocational plans: Sea World."