Update #8

The Kitchen Diaries

I have come to the conclusion, based on my recent experiences that DEFROSTING SUCKS!

This past week, I have eaten peanut butter on whole wheat bread for dinner twice (I don't think jelly keeps...see a previous comment). Luckily, my main source of nutrition comes from my lunch so I am not suffering from any ill effects.

You guessed it. The mornings in question, I forgot to defrost my dinner. In the morning, I got things to do. I don't have time to waltz around the kitchen taking out frozen meat to eat about 12 hours later. My mind is preoccupied with my current objectives, which include but are not limited to, brushing teeth (mine), shaving, finding clean socks, putting on contacts, remembering to put on deoderant (how many swipes are enough? I always put one more, just to be sure!), figuring out what to wear (it's more difficult than you may think since my wardrobe is severely limited and my abilities to match colors are equal to those of a blind man without a seeing eye dog (well, even seeing eye dogs are color blind, so you get the drift)), making sure all the lights are off, etc. You see? Every morning is pretty busy!

Not that I haven't tried to defrost something at night but the laws of physics refuse to help...damn you Shrödinger!! I have tried to cook THE SAME MEAT PATTY ALL WEEK!! It does not defrost before my hunger gets the better of me and I have to stick it back in the freezer. That thing was possessed by Hod!! Then I resort to my true, readily available, no defrosting needed, always there friend...peanut butter.

I finally got the patty to defrost and put it in the pan with some olive oil (I'm sooo European!!). Yes, I know you don't have to put oil when cooking meat but the last time I tried that, the fire alarm went off. I also took this opportunity to reheat the frozen instant mashed potatoes I had in the freezer. They looked pretty nasty as they defrosted, sort of like rotten, coagulated milk but it was food. REAL food.

As the meat was cooking, once again I did something that I have NEVER done in the kitchen. I decided to SIMULTANEOUSLY cook the meat AND reheat the potatoes in the microwave!! As many of you know, I have a hard time multitasking in general, but when it comes to multitasking in the kitchen, were talking about 3rd degree burns, fire alarms and calling FEMA. But in this case, this particular combination of tasks really made me nervous. Not that I was unfamiliar with the microwave, that is an appliance I can actually use. The thing is that I have NEVER used the range & microwave at the same time! I thought that wasn't possible. In my previous apartment, this, this, this, inter-appliance romance would have been unthinkable. Each and every time I tried to do such a seemingly simple task, the breakers on ONE ENTIRE SIDE OF THE APARTMENT WOULD BLOW!! Of course, I thought that the mixture of a range with a microwave oven would just short out a home's circuits and maybe cause a fire. Then again, it could've been the quality of the electrical work...but you never know.

I did it and the circuits held under the increased load!!! As both things were going on, I noticed that I really really really had to go to the bathroom. I am under no illusion that my presence in the kitchen would prevent any mishaps but leaving the scene was not a good idea. I seriously had to go though.

I rushed to the bathroom (it's about 4 feet away). In a flash of inspiration, I decided to save a few seconds of precious time and I flushed the toilet just as I began to pee. My thought was that the flushing would end with the peeing and I could just, you know, tap tap tap and go back to the kitchen. That plan was pure folly, I now know that my pee cycle is longer than my toilet's flush cycle.

I decided to solve the issue of remnant pee in the bowl later and I went back to the kitchen. The meat was cooking well and the potatoes were almost done. I nuked them a bit more and waited for the meat to finish. I try not to mess with the cooking meat too much as I haven't yet mastered how to flip the meat over without causing olive oil to splash everywhere, including over me.

When it was done, I lifted the meat with the spatula and carried it to the plate. I didn't notice that, this was not the most efficient use of a spatula, plate or pan. More on that later. I settled down on my couch for dinner and that's how I finally beat the meat (pun intended...I live in a violent household huh?) & ate it with relish (not the condiment, but the verb). By the way, if you are interested in how the dinner appeared, look at the post with last week's dinner. It's the exact same dish, ON the same dish.

After dinner, as I walk to the kitchen I notice there are some long, light brown, faintly meat-scented streaks on the floor. I did #1 not #2 and anyways, food doesn't go through my system THAT fast.

"WTF???", I think, "Who did this?"

I go to the kitchen and there are more of them. What happened?!?! I figured out that in my inefficiency, as I turned around to put the meat on the plate, several globs of oil & partially cooked meat had fallen to the floor. I nonchalantly stepped in them and tracked them all over my place. More cleaning...

I am also sure that Einstein was correct and that time is relative. Time must move faster for those living on their own. It seems like I bought a half gallon of milk two days ago and I look at the expiration date this morning and it's already past the date! I always make sure to buy the latest date I find so the only logical conslusion is that time is moving faster for me. Damn relativity.

Mortgage
I remember at my closing that I had prepaid certain items related to my monthly home expenditures. I am almost certain that my mortgage was included. As I was getting used to my new home, I was not too worried about the mortgage payment. I mean, I was waiting for my bank to send me the payment booklet.

I get a letter from my bank the other day and I thought this was some informative letter. I read the letter and guess what? I am already late on my mortgage payment!! My very first payment and I'm late!!

I called my bank and spoke to a very nice, polite Indian guy (not the same guy I talked to from Earthlink, but similar, eerily similar...) who then told me they don't send out payment booklets. That's why I was now late! Apparently my bank's policies and procedures do not include letting it's customer's have a convenient way to remember when to pay! Their reminder process consists of sending out a late payment letter. This letter reminds the client of two things:
1 - The late payment
2 - The late charge

Yes, I got charged a late fee!! A $37.85 late fee! I don't think that counts! I had no warning!
All told, for the next three paychecks I will be making a mortgage payment in order to catch up. Guess who's not going shopping anytime soon?

Laundry Fiasco
Stardate - July 5, 2005.
Today I decided to do my first load of 'color' laundry. That sounds soo 1950ish...
I separated my laundry 'units' by color and I knew it was not going to be a good day. Most of my clothes didn't have the little laundry instructions that saved me last time.

I carried the stuff over to the laundry room and began the wash cycle. I kept peeking in the washer so that I could put in the detergent when there was enough water in it. I put in the detergent at the appropriate fill level and stuffed my clothes in there.

Once again, Fate intervened! (Another lady, not Louise. Hmmm, as a matter of fact I haven't seen Louise since our last encounter. I really hope she's ok.) Another one of my neighbors was also washing clothes (hers, not mine). As I was stuffing all my clothes in the machine, I knew I was in trouble. She gave me that look. You know, the one where your eyebrows cannot go any higher without having them surgically removed and then stitched on either your cap or the back of your head. Yeah, THAT look. I asked her, 'What? Que?" (This was a new neighbor so I wasn't sure what language she spoke or didn't speak). She said, "That's too much clothes for a single load, you need to split it up".

OK so since the machine hadn't started I quickly took out some clothes and put them in the next machine over. I was trying to keep them on the same schedule so I plopped in the quarters and THEN I noticed the sheet of paper where, in RED BOLD LETTERS it said, "DO NOT USE, BROKEN (NO TRABAJA)". Great. I just wasted 3 quarters. No, the coin return didn't work!

I went to my truck and got more quarters. I put in the quarters in machine #2 and then I noticed that although machine #1 was full of water, it wasn't doing anything! I waited around like 10 minutes and nothing! I think I must've chosen the wrong wash cycle. I had to go BACK to my truck to get MORE quarters to re-wash the clothes in machine #1. I just wasted 6 quarters...

The wash completed without further incident and that's how my coloreds got done.

July 4th Weekend Adventures
Since it was a long weekend and we had several places to go and we were running low on gas, we decided to stop off at a gas station on 163rd to fill up. We were in Jeanne's car and she was doing the filling, I stayed inside the car. She comes back to the car after a few minutes and she was annoyed. I asked her what was wrong and she says she tried to pump gas a few times but nothing happened. She had to go inside and the attendant told her that the computers were down. No gas could be sold.

She's telling me this and we start to drive away. We then hear a very LOUD noise near the back of the car and we stop and look to see what happened. What do I see? The handle of the gas pump attached to our car and the other end attached to....NOTHING! We had driven away from the gas pump but forgot to replace the nozzle!!! No there wasn't gas spilling everywhere. Apparently, the oil companies have foreseen this and put in some safeguards.

As we get off the car to see what happened, a VERY annoying guy in a yamaka started yelling,
"OHHHHH MY GAWD, THERE"S GOING TO BE A FIAHHH!! YOU BETTER CALL THE ATTENDANT!!!"
The attendant comes over.
He looks at us.
We look at him.
"OHHHHH MY GAWD, THERE"S GOING TO BE A FIAHHH!! YOU BETTER CALL THE ATTENDANT!!!"
All three look at the hose, then at the nozzle.
"OHHHHH MY GAWD, THERE"S GOING TO BE A FIAHHH!! YOU BETTER CALL THE ATTENDANT!!!"
Jeanne gets fed up with the repetition and says, "HE'S HERE ALREADY. CALM DOWN!!!!"
The guy drives off and the attendant calls the other attendant who was cordoning off the other pumps that couldn't dispense gas because of the PC problem.
As attendant #1 turns around to find attendant #2, I motion to Jeanne and we jump in the car and speed away. I guess we left the guy holding his nozzle...

We get to another gas station down the road and we had to get in line since all the pumps were full. We then see this taxi driver wearing a shirt that is about 3 sizes too small for him. He's out in public and looked ridiculous! It was too much of a temptation so I had to ake a pic (yes, I got a new PDA/phone and it has a camera attached). If you look closely you'll see that his belly is actually trying to escape his shirt by forcing open the space in between the two bottom buttons...reminds me of the movie Aliens....




And for the 4th of July we went to the Biltmore Hotel for a buffet, concert and fireworks! What a buffet!! The food was amazing and I had several servings of dessert...