Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

'Teen angst with lots of flying creatures'

Went to see the latest Harry Potter movie since I missed going to see the other movie I wanted to watch.

I am definitely not into teen angst movies. Yes, dating while a teenager was difficult, having self esteem issues was not fun and asking a girl out was a horror. Why on Earth would I want to relive or even remember those times? Alas, I was trapped in the theater, surrounded by a raging cloud of prepubescent testosterone and estrogen. I already paid my $18 so I was going to live through the ordeal.

Although the special effects were very good, the plot leaves much to be desired. Harry grabs a boot and gets transported to a fair where almost everyone gets killed. At his school, he gets chosen to enter a contest with other wizards. He wins. Movie ends. Yay.

Details details details...

Professor Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody, who has a freaky eyepiece on his left eye. Sort of like a fake left eye that moves about. That actually caught my attention.

There's one part of the movie where Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody asks Harry to come into his office for a moment (I'm thinking, pedophilia?) and the professor sits at his desk and begins to talk to Harry. At this point, the focus switches from Harry to the Professor and the Professor's RIGHT eye is the one with the freaky patch. The scene pans to Harry then back to the Professor. His RIGHT eye has the machine. After these switches, the left eye once again reclaims the dubious distinction of having a defect.

I think there are a lot of homoerotic subtleties in the movie. I also think there's more than a little molesting going on.

First off, these Professors, they take a bit too much interest in their students.

• The freaky eyed Professor asking Harry to come into his office for a 'chat'
• A Sirius (spelling?) leaves Harry a note telling him to meet him at night in the meeting room, "...and make sure you come alone."
• Towards the end of the movie, the principal gives Harry a speech and then gently strokes his cheek and says "You're not alone"
• Another wizard gives Harry a hint and tells him, take your egg to the shower and mull it over. (I was definitely expecting a schoolboy gang rape to happen when he said that...)

There's a lot of flying shit going on in the movie. I think the director did this to distract us from the discordant plot. In the beginning of the movie, the boot flies and carries the team away. The dragons fly. The horses fly. The flies fly. The wizards fly. The spirits fly. Everything fucking flies!

If you have so much magic, why don't you just teleport? That seems much quicker than flying around like an idiot. Remember space & time are related. It takes time to travel through space to get from one point to another. If you teleport, you save all that time.

Tangent:
Take note of that Neo. You can do everything & anything in the Matrix right? Stop playing Superman and just teleport from one place to another. Stop wearing those sunglasses. Why don't you just dim the Sun by a couple thousand candlepower instead? Much more efficient.
End of Tangent

One memorable scene has the Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody is showing the students a few spells. The entire scene is completely useless and does nothing to further the plot, it only takes 10 minutes to show off the special effects of a bug flying around. The bug gets a torture spell put on it and Harry's friend screams, "STOP IT. YOU'RE HURTING IT!" And she breaks down in tears.

What kind of hypocritical, self-righteous bullshit is this?!?!?! The girls is about 12 years old and she's worried about a BUG? C'mon now! ANY 12 year old girl will call their brother or father to come into their room and kill the spider, bug, insect, animal this is on their window. It's a BUG! A big bug, yes, but still a BUG! And she has an emotional collapse at it's suffering? Idiot.


And finally, the plot of the movie is based on an international competition between wizards. Even though many characters looked like they were from other counties. I was amazed at the fact that THEY ALL SPOKE WITH A BRITISH ACCENT!

Two Indian girls: British accent
A Chinese girl: British accent
Russian: Doesn't speak
Russian Professor: One line, one grunt. Indeterminate accent.
Every other professor: British accent


I'll be the first in line for the next one...