Seen on the Street

The other day we sit down to eat at an Italian restaurant. After ordering our drinks, I decide to continue using my supernatural powers of observation. I mean, I need to get material for this blog right?

So as we wait for our drinks, I begin looking around at the other patrons. Nothing out of this world, everyone seems normal so far. The people next to us leave and a few minutes later a couple sits down. No material there, they seem like normal people also. By this time, I'm thinking where are the freaks? I mean, c'mon, they have to eat also!

So I continue to nonchalantly look around and I see the couple next to us is also ordering their drinks. I glance down at the floor and there it is! They aren't as normal as I thought! The chick has a genetic defect! Yay!

I twist about 20 degrees to my left and pretend to check my email on my phone. They are deep in conversation and don't pay me any mind. That's right, ignore me, keep yourself interested with your pedestrian concerns...

THE DEFECT

You see that?!?! She's out in public with that! You know, in the Middle Ages, she would've been burned like a witch for carrying on like that! And in PUBLIC NO LESS!?!?!

WHAT? You don't see it?? Are YOU MAD?!?! Look at that toe!! That little squiggly, subversive, independent, conquering toe!!!

It's like alive. It has it's own volition. It is actively trying and succeeding in subjugating the toe right next to it! Hey man! Don't tread on me!

I understand that we all can't have control over our extremities and that surgery is sometimes an expensive proposition for some parents. However, once we are on our own and have health insurance, there is absolutely no reason that we have to just continue to live this way. I mean, we are a civilized people, are we not?

Moreover, think of the barbarity of these people. I know she knows she has this issue. You would think that she would take at least the most minimal of precautions to protect young children and the elderly. Listen lassie, when one is afflicted with a malediction like yours, the surest way to maintain your dignity is to wear closed toed shoes!! No point in plainly broadcasting your inferiority! If it's ugly, keep it covered!

Despite what you've been told, you can lead a relatively calm and successful life (although your childbearing abilities should be severely curtailed to prevent the passing on of this particular gene). Other than that, you can feel free to join the rest of society.

I know you can afford it, you just bought some crap at Crate & Barrel. Why don't you also stop by Payless Shoe Source?