Additional Hurricane Wisdom

• If you have ice cream in the freezer, eat all of it as soon as possible.

Update #16

Restaurant Antics

Last Saturday Jeanne & I went to our favorite Mexican restaurant, Jalpeno Jax. This is the place with the cool Day of the Dead skeletons. After we ordered, I noticed that there were crayons on the table. I also realized that the tablecloths were large sheets of paper. I pointed this out to Jeanne and we went to work!!!

Our waitress

Jeanne's Artwork

I knew that Jeanne was artistically talented so I asked her to draw a horse with the crayons. This is what she created:

Jeanne's Horse
(with congenital defect horn)

Then, adding to the scene we decided to lend the table a sci-fi taste. She added:

A big boobed alien doing a sexy Egyptian dance

Jeanne decided to draw a jalapeno!
I added Tommy, the little turd...
That's the mane of the mutant horse at the bottom of the jalapeno. Tommy makes another sneak apperance in this post...can you find him???

So as Jeanne was creating those masterful pieces of art, I was doing my own special pieces...

Ivan's Artwork

Not to be left behind, and despite my severe lack of artistic ability, here's my version of a horse!

Ivan's Horse (with congenital defect snout)

Although I do admit that Jeanne's horse looks better, I realize that mine has much more personality. A poor, blind (no eyes), lonely pig-horse with two spindly legs trying to fend for itself(no genitalia) among a cruel world full of pretty horses with sharp horns. This is movie material!



We had never seen this waitress there before so I decided to give her a subtle reminder of where everything went...

My Place Setting

If you notice the top right, she already put the drink in the wrong place. It should go on the top left!

I know, I know, my forks need work.

I was getting pretty hungry and left her yet another subtle reminder...

And then, armed with with maniacal grins & kitchen utensils, I get attacked!

Hurricane Update

Hurricane Katrina delayed the last post due to the lack of power.

Tips when power is lost for an extended period of time:

• Florida is a steaming, hot, oppressively moist environment since it was as swamp before colonized. Get to AC as fast as you can.
• Open your windows. This will freshen up your home, sort of.
  
• Turn off you AC units. If you're not home when the power returns, your AC units will be running and the open windows from the previous post will make you waste the power you just saved by not having it available for THREE days.
• If something smells, don't ignore it
• If something smells, it's not your neighbor's problem
• If something smells, it's probably your refrigerator
• Start at the freezer. Meat doesn't keep very long, even if frozen.
• Meat releases its own 'juice' when it melts. It also smells horrible.
• The freezer is not hermetically sealed. Meat juice can, and will, flow downward into the rest of the refrigerator.
• Meat juice stains
• Milk spoils in heat
• Butter melts
• When you throw out your melted stick of butter, remember that the two other sticks of butter, in the box besides them, are also melted. This will save you a trip to the disposal.
• The bottom of your front door is also not hermetically sealed. Put a towel there.
• Do your laundry before the power goes out. Having no clean underwear and loss of power, do not make a good combination.
• Leave your bathroom door open. Extractors don't work without power.
• When throwing out the contents of your refrigerator, take the opportunity to throw out any old salad that may be lingering around
• Know where your flashlight is. It's not easy to find it in the dark.
• If playing a computer game under conditions where the power may fail, please save frequently.
• If you have ice cream in the freezer, eat all of it as soon as possible.
  

Seen in a Restaurant

I took this picture in an unnamed resturant I visited.

The extra chairs are for:
a) sharing your deep thoughts in the place where you do your best thinking
b) people next in line
c) letting you take the opportunity to make new close, very close, friends
d) playing the 'Russian roulette' version of musical chairs
e) a cruel joke for blind patrons

Update #15

Further Bathroom Mishaps
The other day Jeanne and I were browsing around in Best Buy. I am seriously considering buying a 1GB memory card for my phone & camera.

As we were walking around, Nature called...urgently. I found the bathroom an proceeded to do my business. So, I'm sitting there and I begin to have an SMS conversation with Jeanne. No philosophical discussions but just a few short messages as I let gravity do its job.

Another guy walks in and proceeds to pee. He finished and as he walks out of the bathroom, he turns the light switch off! Can you believe it!!! Best Buy in their infinite wisdom left the light switch for the bathroom right by the door! This isn't a home, you know!!!

So there I was in QUITE a predicament. Pitch black darkness and me doing my business. I didn't know what to do so I did the most natural thing, I finished what I was there to do. Let it not be said that I do things half assed!

I know had a pretty good idea of how blind people feel when they go to the restroom. However, no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't figure out when they (or I) would know when to stop wiping. I mean, you know, you have to do it at the end because if you get it half way you'll use up a whole roll of toilet paper undoing your mistake. By the way, I didn't have enough toilet paper on hand to make those kinds of mistakes. No pressure...

I'm sitting there much like Dante Thinking, trying to figure out a way out of this puzzle. I get another SMS from Jeanne.

"Hey!" I think, "maybe I could SMS her and she could reach in and turn on the light."

I quickly discarded that notion because if Helen Keller could do this, so could I!

Then I had a brilliant idea (pun intended...you'll see)! The phone! I could use the phone as a butt wiping tool! No, not as THE but wiping tool , but in a support function to the butt wipe process

Yeah, you guessed it. I got out of there by wiping my ass by the glow of my phone's screen. I need to buy me one of those little keychain flashlights....

Cheese #1

Office Experiment

The other day I went to the kitchen at the office and prepared myself a cup of coffee. One of the benefits we have (albeit a minor one) is that we can choose between using the powdered artificial creamer or half & half. I have gotten hooked on using half & half. I use two though, I don't usually go for half of anything, so I end up having coffee with half & half & half & half. But I digress...

I reached over to get my first half & half and as I opened it I noticed something distinctly different. There was some sort of solid material in it! Being a scientist at heart, instead of thinking, "GROSS!" and throwing it out, I studied the new material.




There it is. I deduced that the half & half had curdled. Then continuing my studies I sniffed it. Whoa!! It smelled very familiar. I knew instantly that it was cheese, but I couldn't quite figure out which cheese it smelled like.

I cupped the cup in my palm and went to find other unsuspecting scientists. I approached my boss, who given her present condition (pregnancy) is extremely squeamish. Invoking the power of research, I eventually coaxed her into taking a deep whiff. No, she was no help in identifying the cheese strain but the antics she made after smelling it were worth the effort.

Science marches on....

I found another unsuspecting scientist and she was much more receptive to having me place an unknown putrid substance near her face so she could smell the effects of random bacteria. She did confirm that the half & half smelled exactly like Blue Cheese.

After further research, I came to the conclusion that even though it smelled like Blue Cheese, it really wasn't Blue Cheese but some other sort of cheese.

So what makes Blue Cheese blue? Penicillium roqueforti

That particular strain is in short supply around the office but I hatched a plan. I would get yet another mini container of half & half and start a small cheese farm in a corner of my office!

I'm thinking that my first batches won't taste all that great since I know I need to add salt but through trial & error I will get it right. There are tons of cheese recipes out there.

I found this site that explains the cheesemaking process. In the drawing, I am at the 'natural souring' stage. I figure that in a week or so it should begin to curdle. If it doesn't, it seem sthat heat speeds up the process, so I'll stick it in the microwave.

And here is the genesis of my cheese farm...

Update #14

We had the great luck to be invited to a 'friends & family' pre-grand opening dinner at a restaurant called Afterglo. It is the second restaurant opened by the owner of Tantra. Knowing the quality & ambiance of Tantra, we couldn't wait to see the new place.

We arrived at 7:30 and spoke to the owner for quite a while. He explained that this restaurant was focusing on natural foods that are organically grown and avoided many of the chemicals used in food preparation. He tasked us with putting the bartender through his paces and testing out as many drinks as we could. The same thing went for the entrees. I was in heaven!!!!

We started with more than a couple of drinks.
Drinks

• Get Up and Glo - Shot of organic expresso, Kahlua liqueur, dark rum, agave syrup and shaken with fresh cream


• Spice of Life - "Raw" blend of fresh pineapple, organic fresh pear, fresh ginger and Italian lemon liqueur


• Glo-Hito - Organic mint leaves muddled with organic limes, agave syrup, shaken with Mont Gay rum, topped with soda water


• "Hot" Chocolate Martini - Van Gogh chocolate vodka shaken with Godiva chocolate liqueur, agave syrup, and a pinch of chili powder


• Sweet and Sour Apple-tini - Belvedere vodka shaken with fresh orange juice, sour apple liqueur, and a touch of Cointreau liqueur

My favorite drink had to be the Hot Chocolate martini. It was sweet & spicy and had a nice kick to it!

Appetizers

• the beauty pill - freshly ground and wild caught sockeye salmon mixed with fresh tumeric, hu zhang, fennel, apple, walnuts, garlic, dill, parsley, green onion & curry powder pan seared and served with tosaka seaweed salad


• wild sockeye salmon tartare - avocado, mango, minced shallot, raw quail egg, basil citrus-sesame vinaigrette & Peruvian purple potato chips


• grass fed Vietnamese style bison ceviche - bibb lettuce, home grown sprout mix, red onion, bell pepper, lime, wild jungle peanuts & crispy shallots

The best appetizer was the bison ceviche. Think of the title! How intriguing!
1) Vietnamese style: presumably from Vietnam
2) bison: an American animal
3) ceviche: Spanish dish
The taste was very good but also very different. Seems that those particular flavors have never been combined in quite the same way in my mouth. Ate it all in a flash!

Now we get to the
Entrees

• grilled ribeye of American grass fed bison - apricot leather beggar's purse filled with spiced hazelnut & yogurt cheese, pickled red onions & arugula pesto

The bison was AMAZING! The beef is very lean and not tough at all. The little bag at the top left of the pic is the beggar's purse with filled with cheese & nuts. The actual purse is made from apricots and when you cut it open and put some on the bison it is simply an amazing flavor. The stuff was EXTREMELY good! I actually wanted to order another order of it but I wanted to taste as much as I could of the menu.

• pan roasted breast of wild pheasant - marinated wild mushrooms, arugula, pistachio "bread", raw chocolate mole sauce & chipotle oil

That's the pheasant. Tastes like chicken. The mole is that brown paste towards the right of the plate. That stuff was GREAT. Nice thick & spicy. Mixing it with the pheasant was another adventure in taste testing. Very very very good.

• homemade saffron-almond penne pasta - pesto, slivered artichoke, marinated portobello, sundried tomato, toasted almonds & shaved aged raw goat cheese (boobs not included)

I didn't get a chance to have much of this dish since I was focusing exclusively on the bison

• grilled & sliced sirloin of wild nigali antelope - vegetable & pignoli "ricotta" tartlette made with hose dried onion & tomato, marinated zucchini & kalamata olives & sage pesto sauce

Nice understated presentation. You know I ordered this because I have never seen antelope served at a restaurant (or bison for that matter, but I had buffalo in Denver). I tasted the meat and I INSTANTLY knew that the lions in Africa are much more intelligent than we give them credit for! They get to eat antelope each & every day! It's good to be the King!!

That was some incredible stuff. The pesto was a bit strong but once you moved it of the meat, you could taste the beef much better. Man, who would've though antelope was so damn good?!?!?!?

Now I had the particular problem of deciding which I preferred, the antelope or the buffalo. I seriously couldn't make up my mind. Today though, I think the antelope wins by a tiny bit.

Dessert
So now I'm thinking, 'With all these different types of foods, how will the desserts be?" Guess, what? They were also very different & tasty!

• honey pot - a walnut tartlette filled with banana cinnamon creme, topped with sliced bananas & orange segments with an organic raw chocolate sauce drizzled with honey & sprinkled with hemp seeds
  a completely raw dessert with no sugar
• chocolate, salt & olive oil - milk chocolate cremoso sprinkled with Celtic sea salt & drizzled with organic extra virgin olive oil served with sourdough toast & a coffee parfait
• yin/yang - a savory cream cheese tart served with a blackberry compote & goat cheese-black pepper ice cream
• chocolate 8 textures - chocolate brownie,chocolate mousse, chocolate dust, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cremoso, Mexican chocolate syrup, chocolate tuille & chocolate candy
• let it glo - this raw dessert pairs a filling of apricot & coconut cream inside an almond vanilla tart topped with daikon sprouts & a mango black pepper drizzle

Don't they just sound extraordinary??? I ate most of the honey pot. I don't care if they say it has no sugar, I ate it anyways. And I liked it!

Then I tried the chocolate, salt & olive oil. Sounds very nasty right? Yeah, I though so also but I was game (no pun intended...see antelope reference).



Like I said before, that particular combination of flavors have never simultaneously entered my mouth while I have been conscious. The flavors mix suprisingly well! Remember that chocolate already has oil in it so mixing it with drizzled olive oil actually matches the chocolate's texture. The sea salt gave it another taste & texture. This plate I will definitely have again when we return. Yeah, we're going back.

The chocolate 8 textures was not my favorite since I'm not a chocoholic. I did taste one chocolate on the plate that was spicy & sweet. Reminds me of Switzerland! Awesome.

If anyone gets a chance to go to Afterglo, definitely make it a point to go!

By the way, the lighting at the restaurant is very interesting. It makes everyone look like they have a tan. Unfortunately, the lighting doesn't really make for good pictures. That's why they all have that yellow tinge.

Culinary Goals

I think that my new cluinary goal is to continue to eat strange hoofed animals. I am filling my need as a carnivore and although I cannot hunt them, I can make up for this lack of ability by expanding the breadth of the food I can consume.

Ultimately, I would like to try a nice hunk of Bigfoot. I know, that's going to be expensive and I'll really have to find a restaurant that has an extraordinary chef, but I will continue to strive for that goal.

I'm thinking it won't really taste that well. I mean, it's not really cannibalism right? Bigfoot is a close genetic cousin, not really family. Despite that, just thinking about my cousins...they MUST taste nasty.

I will probably pass on eating monkey anything. As far as I know, research has shown that AIDS was contracted by humans by eating monkey brains. Now monkey brains may taste great, but that lends a whole new meaning to the phrase, "I'll give you some head to die for!"

I think I'll have a side of Yeti milk to go with my Bigfoot. Assuming Yeti's breastfeed that is...

From left:
Jeanne, Michael (Executive Chef), Tim (owner of Tantra & Afterglo)


Looook...loooook into my boobs.....you are getting....sleeeeeeeepy

Update #13a

Bathroom Mishaps

One interesting feature my bathtub has is that the knob that changes the flow from faucet to shower head comes loose pretty often. The fix is easy in that you have to loosen the screw cap and tighten the screw with a Phillips screwdriver.

On this particular morning, I was in a hurry and the water flow would not switch. I didn't want to go out of the bathroom, get the floor all wet just to get my screwdriver. I decided to use whatever tools I had at my disposal.

Soap wouldn't do. Neither would a shampoo bottle. Aha! I had a disposable razor! I could use that to pry open the cover. After that, well, I would worry about the rest of the task when I got to it.

So I thought that the head of the razor was thinner and more likely to be able to pop off the plastic cover over the screw. In order to get a good grip and put enough pressure on the cover, I thought it would be a good idea to grab the razor head tightly and put lots of pressure and voila! The cover would just pop off!

It just so happens that the best grip involved my thumb lying right on top of the set of twin blades with the lubricating strip. I put lots of pressure with my thumb and pushed down. The razor slipped a bit but the plastic cover didn't budge. I tried again! Now the engineering superiority of Gillette twin disposable razors, equipped with a self lubricating strip came to play!

Exactly as advertised, the lubricating strip lubricated. Unfortunately, in this case, instead of lubricating my beard stubble, it lubricated my thumb, which was then a prime target for the twin razors to slice into me. I dropped that razor faster than Michael Jackson would drop his pants at a kindergarten picnic!

I realized how incredibly stupid I was hold a disposable razor by the actual razor's edge. These thoughts were mixed in with a few carefully chose expletives, mainly aimed at my intellectual capacity (or lack thereof) as I hopped around in pain.

Mind you, I was in the tub, lest you forget. I quickly found out that hopping in a bathtub with soap on the floor was not a very intelligent thing to do. This particular thought came to me in a flash as I felt my footing give way and my head became closely acquainted with the tile on my bathroom wall.
OUCH!!!!!

And I have proof!

The Kitchen Diaries
I actually went shopping! It's been like what, three weeks? I bought easy stuff, garlic, spinach, eggs & milk.

I went all out tonight! I decided to tempt fate and mix food groups. I know, it's new territory for me but I have to take baby steps.

I decided that my grease intake was waay to low and I needed to remedy the situation. I was bringing down the US cholesterol average. I needed to make a sacrifice for my fat brothers & sisters.

I took out a steak to defrost. I made a discovery. If I buy the paper thin steaks they sell at Food Giant, they defrost in about 10 minutes! They also cook in about 2 minutes and that satisfies my two requirements, easy preparation, protein, tasty! I then decided to fry an egg. YES! Fellow blogospherians, I mixed dairy & meat. I could have breakfast & dinner in one sitting. That's how I like my food preparation...efficient! Killing two birds with one stone.

It took me about 10 minutes to find my other frying pan. So far I have only been using one pan for all my cooking needs. I was going to try & fit the egg & steak in the same pan, but it wasn't large enough.

The cooking event went off without a hitch. I have had experience cooking steaks & eggs before but never at the same time. It was a relatively painless process. With the notable exception of the various oil splatters that keep hitting me as I cook. I not sure if it happens to everyone, but it gets really annoying.

But without further ado, here is my latest creation!


As you may have already noticed, that plate looks familiar. As a matter of fact, if you must know, that is the same plate I have been using since I moved here.

Update #13

Mystery Item

I found this in the office freezer.
Do you have any idea what this thing is?

This is an enterprising fellow's idea of a popsicle! He was pretty ingenious in satisfying his craving. He got two small Cuban cofee cups, broke a coffee stirrer, put the stirrer through the top cup as a handle and filled the bottom coffee cup with Coke.






Pretty creative? Maybe.
Bored? Definitely.
Needs a productive hobby? Absolutely.
Doesn't have enough work to do? Certainly.

What is this?

The street we all want to live on!

Update #12a

New Restaurant
There's a very good little Mexican restaurant in my neighborhood called Jalapeno Jax. You step inside and the place is very quaint. We spoke to the owner and he flew in an artist from Mexico to paint the murals inside. Apart from the murals, there are Mexican automobile license plates along the top border of the wall. Very nice touch.

Inside, the theme of of The Day of the Dead (El Dia de los Muertos). There are several skeletons in various scenes on the walls.

Tourist Skeleton

Adam & Eve Skeletons

I was asked what sauce I wanted with my burrito when we ordered. I said the hottest thing you have. They gave me this:

The Hot Sauce

I've usually had most of the hot sauces in restaurants before and they're not that hot. I got a tiny bit and put it my mouth. That stuff is HOT!!! Instantly my mouth & lips were bruning. Mind you, I only put the equivalent of a few grains of rice of the sauce in my mouth.

I find out that what they gave me is ground Habanero peppers! It took a while to get used to, but wow, it's like your whole mouth is burning until it gets numb. When you mix the sauce with the food, it is quite bearable since the oil in the food dilutes the spice.

I wasn't able to finish off the tiny bowl (it's about the size of your palm). That's a first for me.

Dental Care
I was waay overdue for a visit to the dentist. It's not that I have bad daily dental hygiene but I just forget to schedule an appointment.

Going to my dentist is like a party with a few surgical instruments thrown in for good measure. I have been seeing my dentist for 23 years now, since I was 10. He's the only dentist I can remember!

Now his son just finished dental school and he's part of the clan. Longevity has its perks. I can and I get an appointment the next day. Of course, he doesn't really always see people at the prescribed time so when the waiting room is full they treat people in order of arrival. Usually, that is. It makes me feel a bit guilty that I walk in and they usher me inside, in front of everyone else waiting outside. That guilt is quickly replaced by a sharp jabbing pain as a dental pick tries to scrape a bit of plaque off my tooth.

They know I don't deal very well with the water pick tool they use. I basically drown and gurgle until they start laughing. They have to use the pick instead. Believe it or not, I actually prefer it. It seems to me that the water pick makes their job a bit too easy. I want them to work for a living! Let hem use those well-trained hands to scrape my diseased teeth to a healthy shine!

As the hygenist was picking away. I secretely reached into my pocket and got out my camera phone. I wanted to get an action shot of her at work! It was pretty hard to manage a camera phone by touch (so she wouldn't catch on). I wasn't able to remember the exact combinations of buttons to get to the camera.

Just as I was trying to figure out the proper commands, they paged her! She had a phone call. I would do the next best thing to an action shot, any shot I could get!

Here's a shot of the instruments:
Those are the 'Picks of Cleanliness', the 'Mirror of my Discontent' & the always sought after 'Blue Bucket of Tasty Flouride Paste'. To the left of the 'Torture Tray' you'll see a box of 'Drool Wipes'.


And here are x-rays of my pearly whites!!!!

Look at those teeth! They would make any carnivore proud! That's a winning smile if I ever saw one! The folder behind holds my entire dental history!

The cleaning was relatively painless until I got the bad news. There is an old broken tooth that never got fixed. Although it is not currently giving me any problems they advised me that as the dentin wears through normal wear & tear, the nerve may become exposed.

Nerves exposed?!?! Wasn't that the subject of an old horror movie with Dustin Hoffman! I don't want that! Thatwouldl mean like TONS of pain and a root canal, which by the way, also causes TONS of pain! For thsoe of you mathematically inclined, that would be pain²!

I'm thinking if I can assign the camera function to a shortcut key on my phone, I can get a 'dental money shot'!!! I'll keep you posted.

Dinner
Tonight's Menu

Appetizer
Water

Main Course
Frozen Stouffer's Pepperoni & Mushroom personal pan pizza
Water

Dessert
Pecan Shortbread cookie

Update #12

Dietary Diaries
It's late and I don't feel like cooking. I also forgot to defrost this morning, so I sit eating a Peanut Butter sandwich. That was going to be the extent of my dinner but I was chastised into having some more food. I will follow the sandwich with a large portion of applesauce.


Weekend Escapades
For our two year dating anniversary, Jeanne and I accepted an invitation to spend the weekend at the Ritz-Carlton.

The Lobby

Our room

There's the room. The robes are all laid out, we also had chocolate covered strawberries waiting for us on a tray.

From the balcony, you can see the pool.

The pool is actually pretty shallow so it's very comfortable walking around in it. We also had a cabana reserved for us. You can't see the cabana from the above pic, it is just out of sight. It's a large mattress that can be covered by a cloth roof. Towels are furnished and so are various pillows. We were told that lunch and champagne were freely available. Niiiiice....

We decided to spend some time at the beach and we ate at the restaurant. By this time we knew that the service here was out of this world. Everyone at the restaurant and the pool knew our names.

After some time at the beach, we decided to hang out on the beach. It's pretty nice to be in the pool and have the pool-hands come by and get you a frozen bellini, daquiri or make a fresh melon martini in front of you.

Before the pool events, we dutifully reported to the spa for our couples massage. This was my first professional massage so I didn't know what to expect. It was an aromatic massage so I thought I could deal with it.

I got a male masseur and Jeanne got the chick. He kept pressing into various part of my back and asking me if it hurt. I said, "no'. He was surprised because he felt a lot of stress in my body. I asked him where he felt the stress, he said in my neck and glutes. I did a double take! (I hope you did too!)

My GLUTES? The guy was telling me that I carried my stress in MY ASS!!! MY ASS my ass.
How the Hell can you carry stress in YOUR ASS? Maybe if you really have to go #2 but have to clench since you're giving a 2 hour long presentation. OK, that's major 'ass' stress. But sitting in an office and taking a dump whenever you want DOES NOT constitute 'ass' stress.

Of course, I didn't tell him this. So I just succinctly summed it up as, "I see."

Afterwards he told me to use the steam room and take a shower.

This was also my first time in a steam room and it was GREAT! Then the shower. The locker room attendant told me where the showers were and where the 'Power Shower' was.

C'mon. 'Power Shower'? How could I pass that up??

I walk into the Power Shower (PS), and I first off notice it is as big as my living room. You stand in the middle of the wall that is built in a semi-circle. Right along the wall there are two sets of three shower heads. They are one above the other and end up running up & down your arms.
Then there's a HUGE main shower head right above you.

I thought, "DAMN. I'm gonna BLAST dirt off of me!"

I turned that water on and I was clean in a second. Of course, tuning on the water was a puzzle, there were three different knobs in front of me. After experimentation, I figured out that you could vary the temperature of each set of shower heads independently.

So I ended up having hot water blast me from the sides as freezing water hit me from above. That was my brief experience of purgatory.

I wasn't able to take any pictures of the shower or other amenities. There is apparently a lot of 'nakedness' going on in spas and since I haven't had a chance to meet with my doctor about creating that chic 'must-have' marsupial pouch, I wasn't able to discretely carry my camera around.


I'm trying to get the posts shorter than usual since some of you have expressed distress at the fact that you can't quite digest so much stuff in one sitting (while you are at work).

Strange Podcast

This podcast is so weird it's hilarious. I like the strange expressions the guitarist makes. I know it's not a guitar but I don't know exactly what instrument it is and I'm too lazy to do research right now. Live with it.

Watch it here.

Always remember, all pirates like sodomy, so stay away from that end of things...

World's Ugliest Dog Contest Winner

How would you like to have this little bundle of canine joy greet you when you come home in the afternoon?



From Snopes:

The tiny dog has no hair, if you don't count the yellowish-white tuft
erupting from his head. His wrinkled brown skin is covered with
splotches, a line of warts marches down his snout, his blind eyes are
an alien, milky white, and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his
withered neck. And then there are the Austin Powers teeth that jut at
odd angles.


He's so ugly that even the judges recoiled when he was placed on the judging table . . .